You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
