bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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