I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
