Pappa wants mamma naked
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
