I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
