I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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