Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
