Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
