what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
