You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
