Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
