tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
