I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
