The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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