you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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