AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
