Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
