I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
