I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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