At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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