Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
