I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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