Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
