wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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