at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
