She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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