Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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