Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
