good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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