you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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