New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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