Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
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Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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