So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
