I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
