For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
