So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
