Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
