taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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