She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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