I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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