Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
