i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
