His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
