so explain again why im purple
no
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Randomize
