I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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