so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
