the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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