I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
