What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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