I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just sucked dick on a ferry
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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