his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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