I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
