I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
