The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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