Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
