Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I understand Curling. That high.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
