This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
