somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
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Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
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I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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