hotel room ftw
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
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You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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