So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
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