we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
