If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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