She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
