You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
