Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
