I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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