Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
