Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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