Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
My balls are so social today.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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