I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
