I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
