keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
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