i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
