My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Randomize
