its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
