Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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