If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
