2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
