He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
