god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Drake has all the answers
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
