Are we in a gay sports bar?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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