just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
