Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
