ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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